Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
