Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
