whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
