haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize