girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
