i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
