i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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