There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
