You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
