so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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