help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
