He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
