The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
