So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
it was like eating out sand paper
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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