I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
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well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
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I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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