Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
