now i know why i became what i already was.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
