the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
did i walk over a car last night?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
