3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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