I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
