I showed him my bush... on skype.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
