So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
