you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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