I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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