Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
