but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Randomize
