I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Blood and glitter go together right?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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