im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize