today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
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You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
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If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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