What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
where are you?
Hypothermia
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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