I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
