Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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