Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
