I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
