I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I lost the right to judge tonight
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
