ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
