i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
