i already hear my dad disowning me
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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