Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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