You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
