just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
