the condom got lost in my hair
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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