theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm too high and old for this...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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