I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
