I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
high people should be assigned attendants
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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