So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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