So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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