The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
