She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
