Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
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he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
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how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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