So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
