cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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