Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
this boner is exhausting
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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