You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You are the jesus of drinking
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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