you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
