look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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