That's intense
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
