she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
