After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
