My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
