Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
