I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
