So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
