someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
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I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
whose ass print is on the piano?
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I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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