I feel great
I just peed on a car
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
