the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
