i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
