The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
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My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
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I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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