She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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