I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
