Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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