No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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