well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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