he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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