just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
