I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
