i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
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it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
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i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
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