I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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