Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
